Clemmie Gleeson describes why and how she was awarded a TMAF bursary, what she did with it and how it is already making a positive impact in her work.
TMAF bursary recipient
If you’d asked me when I graduated from Harper Adams (way back in 2001) what I would be doing 25 years later, I wouldn’t have had much of a clue. I’ve never had a long-term plan, instead tending to follow my interests and the opportunities that arise. That has taken me on a journey in agricultural journalism including a 13-year spell as a freelancer, on to public relations and communications with some interesting and sometimes unrelated detours along the way.
What was missing and how to fill the gap?
I amassed a lot of experience and knowledge, but I lacked confidence and knew that was holding me back. I read about the Challenge of Rural Leadership (CRL) course and believed it was just what I needed. I applied, attended an interview with the organisers from the Worshipful Company of Farmers and Duchy College, and was delighted to be offered a place.
How did the TMAF bursary help?
Next stage was to secure funding for the two-week course, and I was extremely fortunate to be offered a bursary by TMAF covering a large proportion of the fees, for which I am very grateful. Their support meant I was able to take up an opportunity that had greater impact than I could have predicted.
So, with everything in place, in January I made the journey from Norfolk down to Dartington Hall in Devon – our CRL home for the following fortnight. Over a very intense two weeks we were put through our paces with a mixture of listening, learning and doing, all designed to challenge and inspire.
What did I discover about my career and what was holding me back?
Taking time away from work and home commitments was a huge opportunity in itself and demonstrated the power of taking a step back to learn and think. I came away with a new group of friends, clarity over my values, and a few new skills which I’m enjoying putting into practice.
But the most transformational change feels much more significant, because taking part in the course resulted in a self-diagnosis of ‘whenitis’. Let me explain:
Whenitis noun:
A chronic condition characterised by a persistent belief that one will finally be good, knowledgeable or confident enough when a future goal has been reached. Common symptoms include postponing opportunities until you have more experience, collecting qualifications to feel credible, believing you’ll be good enough if you could be more like someone else, and moving goalposts every time you reach a milestone.
Looking back, I can see ‘whenitis’ has been a feature of my life for many years. I’ll give you some examples of previous thinking:
- “When I get a first-class degree, I’ll believe in myself.”
- “When I have qualifications in both journalism and PR, I’ll be an expert.”
- “When I’m offered a senior role, I’ll be confident of my ability.”
I achieved all those things but was still waiting to feel ‘enough’.
It’s perhaps not surprising then that pre-CRL me believed that the course might – finally – be the solution to finding real confidence, but what I discovered was something better!
How is the investment in me paying back already?
I came to realise that no matter how many years’ experience I amass, or qualifications I have to my name, I’m never going to have weapons grade confidence and suddenly become a power-dressing extrovert. Instead, the CRL experience helped me see my strengths and expertise, and my value as a quietly assertive strategic thinker.
Finally, I’ve been able to recognise and acknowledge what I bring to the table. Instead of comparing myself to others and thinking “when I am more like them…”, I can now appreciate that I don’t need to be.
I may not be the loudest voice in the room, but I have clarity about what I bring and the contribution I can make. I’m an agri-comms whizz, which is exactly what I want to be.
A huge thank you to the TMAF bursary for investing in my participation in the 29th Challenge of Rural Leadership course. TMAF’s support helped make possible an experience that gave me new skills and friendships, but perhaps more importantly, helped me recognise the experience and value I already had.